Some people are more calculating than others and are expert at giving false appearances. They may seem as lacking sincerity because of their personal fears. It may also make them somewhat cynical towards life.
For the sake of this article, we will use a ‘real life’ situation as an example. Two mates go into a shopping center and come across a store where they sell electric shavers for men. “I think I need one of them” said one friend. The other suggested they enter the store and have a look at some different models. As they browse, they notice that the sole sales person in the store, a young girl, is busily answering questions about products to a family group of four. It seemed they had a few questions to ask… So, the two friends begin browsing. The one who said he needed an electric shaver begins to um and ah. His friend clearly understood the price was the issue, so he suggested they examine cheaper models, even though nothing about pricing had been mentioned.
“What is she doing?” asks the potential buyer.
“She’s busy with some customers who keep asking her questions. That’s her job.” Replied his friend.
“Yeah, but she’s taking too long. I come from the big city, and if you don’t give me service – you don’t get my money!” he proclaims.
They browse for a couple of minutes when the one who was agitated said, “That’s it, I’ll wait for you outside… I’ve had it!”
“Where are you going?” asked his friend, “The lone salesperson is still with the other customers. It’s her job. You’re next.”
The friend who walked out leans against a railing near the escalator, he was brooding.
“Why are you upset?” asked his friend, “You know she’ll get to you the moment she’s finished with the other people. They got there before you did.”
“I don’t give a s**t! There’s no customer service here. I’m a paying customer, forget it!”
His friend could have handled this situation one of two ways, (a) told him he was being unreasonable, and also acting like a child, or (b) use a technique that brings to the fore what may be really happening.
Method (a) may create conflict, but method (b) may serve them both to remain calm, and seeing the situation from yet another angle, without creating contention. Quite often our choices are fuelled by emotions. In truth, in this case, it was not because the salesperson was not able to attend to his needs, it was really about him not wanting to spend that kind of money. Instead of saying, “Gee, I like these, but I really think they are expensive and I’m not comfortable spending that sort of money.” He chose to put up a fuss about the lack of service.
Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? You would be surprised how many people cannot be reasonable out of fear of being judged and ridiculed (especially if they suffer from a lack of personal confidence) by their peers, rather than sort things out in a more logical fashion. Most people worry about their image and reputation, etc…
That is why we appreciate someone who says it as it is, rather than beating around the bush.
So, when his friend came to his side and leaned against the railing next to him, he said to his brooding friend, “I understand how you feel. I felt the same thing when I bought mine, just like you did. But I found that each time I shave now I don’t think about the price, but enjoy the smoothness and closeness of the shave. And by the way, I honestly think I deserve it!”
This technique of the three Fs, (feel, felt and found), is effective for handling a disingenuous situation. It has a proven track record for helping pull things back into alignment, if done properly, with ease and grace and without any judgement but with gentle understanding.
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